All The Wrong Words In The Wrong Order
by Anya2
Summary: Dean and words are not always compatible. Saying the right ones is just not something he’s good at and knows that those he loves suffer because of it.


Written for the spnhetlove 'Connect' challenge.**  
**

**Title: **All The Wrong Words In The Wrong Order  
**Rating: **PG-13  
**Characters:** Dean, OC, Sam  
**Pairing: **Dean/OFC  
**Spoilers: **None

**Summary: **Dean and words are not always compatible. Saying the right ones is just not something he's good at and knows that those he loves suffer because of it.

* * *

Dean Winchester said the wrong thing. A lot. On more than one occasion his smart mouth had gotten him into trouble that would have been totally avoidable had he'd only kept quiet. He really ought to learn to shut it but he doubted he ever would.

It was those who were close to him that suffered the most and Sam had always been the main casualty. Dean had said too many things in the last few years that had hurt him – home truths that were too cutting but which he somehow couldn't ignore. There were too many times when Sam had looked for reassurance or comfort and Dean had remained silent, unable to find the words or only able to find lies which he couldn't bring himself to say even if they were what Sam needed to hear.

Now there was Isabel too and Dean didn't see how his stupid mouth hadn't ruined that yet either. He knew that he was probably the worst boyfriend in the world. He never brought her things, not even flowers on her birthday. The only places he took her that weren't full of danger, demons and spirits were run down bars and cheap motels. And boy did he have a tendency to say the most idiotic things at bad times. Too often he felt that rush of guilt, words having left his mouth which he could instantly see had wounded her although she said nothing. Too often did he feel the need to say 'I'm sorry', to hold her whilst he contemplated the reason why he couldn't say anything right. She always forgave him. She seemed to understand. She shouldn't really have to.

He cringed when he thought of how she'd say something sweet or serious or tender and he'd somehow manage to make light of it, ruining the moment. Flings he was an expert at. Sex? Well he liked to think he was pretty good at that too. But sex was easy, it was instinct. Relationships weren't. He loved her and it was the hardest thing he had ever known.

Sam didn't seem to understand how Dean managed to make it so difficult. Sometimes he would give him that look, that incredulous 'I don't believe you said that!' wide eyed stare, shaking his head in disbelief. But he'd done this whole relationship thing before. It came easy to him but Dean was in foreign territory. He still ignored Sam's attempts at giving advice though. He'd rather work things out for himself, making his own screw ups as he went. That was just his way.

So many times he'd opened his mouth to tell her that it was a mistake. That it wasn't really working and that they should call it a day whilst the going was good. She only had to kiss him though and he knew that they were words he'd never utter. Not even a proper kiss, just brushes at the corners of his mouth was enough. He would feel her lips moving up his jaw line, her whispers in his ear speaking of soft things that if he closed his eyes he could almost believe. And then, when he had her beneath him he suddenly seemed to want to tell her everything, but all he could muster were needy moans of her name that he hoped spoke volumes.

As unlike him as it was, he'd actually begun to envision things in his future he thought would never happen; a wife, kids, nice home, normal job, maybe a dog... He wasn't sure he'd make a very good husband or father but now he knew he at least he wanted to make an attempt at not screwing it up.

He was going to ask her to marry him. He didn't really know when or how and he knew he'd probably make a mess of it, but he was going to do it anyway. If he was honest he'd have admitted that he was as scared as hell. But for once in his life that wasn't such a bad thing.


End file.
